I started smoking pot 3 years ago. I quit drinking when I was 21 and stopped everything else too. I still am sober and coming up on 29 years. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when I was 23. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder . I also have had ECT 25 – 30 times here in AZ and in MN en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electroconvulsive_therapy . Medication was not working for me and I was so crazy that is why I went with it, I felt like I had no other choice. For me ECT really fucked with my memory, it took out the good memories as well and I still have the bad memories that are still with me… go figure.
Three years ago in May I was having a had time and that feeling of hopelessness and despair, suicidal thinking and I had a good plan. I was going to wrap myself in a tarp and go into the shower and shoot myself. I didn’t want to leave a mess. My medications were not working and I was just miserable. I could not see any future. I had no quality of life. I was admitted to St. Luke’s Hospital in Phoenix www.stlukesmedcenter.com. I was there for a week had my meds changed. I did meet my good friend Lupe there. I got home and things didn’t feel much better. I was ok for about a week then the darkness over took me again, and the suicidal thinking was back and I wanted to kill myself. I thought I can’t start this cycle again. It had been 8 years since I had been in the hospital… not that I probably didn’t need too at times. I got by.
One night in my despair just trying to make it from one day to another, and the long nights and sleepless nights. My roommate Jill was in the trailer sleeping and I had taken a bud out of hers and decided to smoke it. I thought to myself I have tried everything else. I got hyper high and then like some kind of magic those feelings of despair and hopelessness was gone. I tried to wake Jill and tell her cuz I wanted to talk to someone. I was exploding with energy. I was alive!
I’m a daily user mostly smoking mursch and now that I have my MMJ card, I have been experimenting with higher quality weed. I feel normal and for me that is to function and have a quality of life.
About 2 weeks ago I started a new medication for my restless legs syndrome www.mirapexer.com and I have gotten a little hypomania going on from it. It is one of the side effects. Got myself in one mess and got out of it not too damaged. It had to do with my van anytime you deal with auto it is like you want to pull your hair out, because everyone want to screw you.
I like the way my mind has been working with the higher quality of weed. I feel more creative, more willingness to take a chance, not worrying about everything and no depression at all. My mood is elevated and I like that. Smoking for the past few years have helped with feeling agitated and anger. I wasn’t comfortable in my skin. There are always pros and cons to everything we do. For me, I know that it has helped my overall mood. It is also great for pain relief too.
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